I Got a Widget!

A What-it? A Widget! Anyway, scroll all the way to the bottom, it's fun to play with, I'll post it here just this once. It's a Jackson Pollack Widget. Just run the mouse arrow over it, it makes paint type splatters. Click to change the color, there is a very wide range, and use the space bar to erase. I will post a longer post at some point today, I promise. Until then, have fun with this! I found it over at katydidnot She is rather funny and worth the read!

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful today my children have enough brains to speak their minds. While it may drive me absolutely BATTY it's still a WONDERFUL thing.

I'm thankful for my husband, even when he is cranky and a royal pain in the keister.

I'm thankful for the van that I own. Even though it's rather old and needs more work on it soon, that I'm hoping will patiently wait until the end of January when we get our income tax return, it's nice to have something to drive around town in instead of trying to make it to appointments and shopping by the bus with a gaggle of kids along for the ride.

I'm thankful my body works, for the most part, as I want it to and I'm able to perform most functions, with the exception of having more children it seems, and do them well when I choose.

I'm making this post short and I'll be posting a longer one tomorrow I think. Prayers and blessings everyone.

Oh, Sophie, I am still VERY interesed in doing the Great Interview. Am I interviewing you? Is that how it's going to work? Please let me know. Thanks.

Swimming at Sea, Searching

I don't know what I'm searching for. I'm searching for "myself" really, but what in the hell does that actually MEAN? Is it defined, or just experienced. Is it what I do, or how I live, or what I think? Am I defined by my politics, my religion, my life choices?

I'm a wife, a mother, a woman. I've always thought of myself as somewhat artistic and rather creative. I am a writer too. Writers are people who share, who want others to know what is going on with them, whether it's fiction or fact, it's all going on inside of them at that time.

Do my politics make me who I am? What about my religion, or lack thereof? I'm one of those people that I consider myself to be traditional in the aspect of my own family. However, when it comes to someone else's family, what goes on is up to them and who am I to tell them otherwise. After all, it's them that has to get up with daily, not me.

Who am I in reference to my children, my husband? What is Wife and Mom? How is it that they perceive me, and is it how I want to be preceived, remembered?

Jason told me tonight that he is happy that I am at home now. I make things run smoother around here, make things easier for him. That's great, I'm glad I can do that for him. Does that mean I shouldn't work ever again? So that I can keep things "easier" for my husband?

Who am I as a wife? How do be a strong woman without stepping on my husband's toes, making him feel like less of a man in the process? That's been my big concern lately. I want to be a "good wife". However, I have yet to figure out what the hell that exactly is. Is she someone who is modest and doting and catering and never challenging? Does she cook and clean with no complaint, popping out babies to his content? Is she one to sit back and allow her husband to shine, and ignore her needs and wants at the same time?

I don't agree with that. I can't be meek and modest and mild. It's just not in me to be that way. There is no way I can be doting and catering and never challenging either. If I think what you have said, or what you think, or how you behave is stupid, or I don't agree, I'm going to say it. Why keep it bottled up? That can only lead to resentment. I'm not looking for salvation through my husband. I'm not trying to find God through him either. If I want salvation, I'll go straight to the source on my own, thank you very much.

The cooking and cleaning with no complaint. I'll cook, and I'm working on the cleaning, however complaint comes with the territory. After all, no one really likes to clean. Unless you are one of those type A personalities. I'm not. Neither is Jason thankfully.

I know I want my husband to be happy. I want my children to grow up well rounded and to be "good" people, caring and thoughtful of others. I also want them to be successful in their own lives, in their own homes. Meaning I want them to make enough money to not live with me for the rest of their lives.

Jason tells me he is happy. Especially now that I'm home. I'm still up in the air about being home. I feel the need to be here, but I'm going to miss leaving, going to work, being out and away for a few hours a week. During that time at work, I was Jamie. I wasn't Mom or SweetHeart or Cook or Maid or Babysitter. I was Jamie, and it was nice.

I'm sure I'm still Jamie. However, I'm also all of those other things when I'm home. I'm searching for the balance of Jamie and all those others. How do I fill so many needs, so many shoes, and keep myself in the end. I don't want to be 52 and wake up and say "Hey, where the Hell am I and how the Hell did I get here?" and have it be in a negative way. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest, and grow and explore as each day goes by. When I'm 52, I don't know where I'll be, I don't know what I'll be doing, but I want to know that I enjoyed it all while I got there. I know there will be difficult times, I don't live in a Utopian world after all, however, for the sum of all of it's parts, I want life, my life that I am living, that I am sharing most directly with my children and husband, to be one of joy and fulfillment. One that I know will bring me a smile when I think of it.

Prayers and blessings everyone. Wish me luck on this journey. I'm sure I'm going to need it. Tomorrow there will be a new post on my other blog. Remember, don't go there unless you are OK with reading stuff in "adult situations".

Let's Talk About Sex.

Yeah, I did it again. It never is what you think it will be, is it? Though in this instance, it IS a bit like that. I have another blog. I've been trying to figure out how to write sex. I don't want bad Penthouse letter porn and I don't want cheesy bodice rippers either. I have abandoned my attempts lately. Not really sure why.

I changed over the other blog so that when you go to click on it, it will ask you if you want to continue because you may see some naughty things. OK, it doesn't say QUITE that. I believe the jist is "adult content". Wouldn't THIS blog be adult content too? Don't get yourself in a tizzy, because I'm rather certain it isn't. Not like the other one. Where is my other one? Do I have your curiosity peaked? Click on my name and it will take you to my profile, and it's listed there OR you can scroll down to the blog roll on the right, and it's called "A Serial Mommy's Muse". You never know what you might come across there. I don't have a stat counter on there right now, though I think I will be adding one. Not one that tells me how folks find me though, I'm just not THAT curious about it.

Back to the sex talk. Have you ever seen "Legends of the Fall"? As far as I know, it's Rated R. There is a scene, and if you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about. It's the ONLY sex scene in the ENTIRE movie. Brad Pitt (when he was much younger, think just after Thelma and Louise came out) and super buff is having sex with the girl. I'm sorry, I have NO idea who the girl is, though she reminds me of Andie McDowell, though she isn't. The scene is NAUGHTY. No penis shots, no vagina shots, but that's it. There is NOTHING left to the imagination about what kind of shape these two people are in. And they DO IT, in all kinds of ways.

OK, do you understand now why I don't know the actress's name? When I picture it in my head, it's VERY firmly Brad Pitt, and some soft young thing. Sexy to me all the way around. Every time I see that scene, I want to go wake up Jason (because I'm usually watching that movie at night, after everyone has gone to bed, while doing some yarn work) and do those very things to him.

Most bloggers I have read don't talk about their sex lives. At least not in detail, I can appreciate that. Boundries, privacy, all that jive. The only one recently, that comes to mind is Miss Britt, oh and Citizen of the Month. Though her honking hubby and his talking penis aren't about sex really, more like the lead in to it.

Oh well. That imagery of Brad Pitt and the nameless Andie McDowell look alike actress stays with me frequently. It makes me sigh and smile and then go find Jason. You know what he thinks of that? It's not unlike looking at porn. That simple. Well I'm glad he sees it that way because "Sweetie, Honey, Darling Hubby, you were Brad Pitt tonight, at least kind of, Love you"

So I leave you on that. Prayers and Blessings everyone. Enjoy your imagery, and let it infuse your life. And like my good pal Forrest Gump said "It's like a box o' chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". :-D

Stripping at Wal-Mart

Hehe, I got ya with the title, didn't I? I wonder how many people will come to read this blog just based on that title alone? Maybe I should start including words like sex, penis, vagina, ass, and lesbian and see how many hits I get. I don't use one of those trackers that figures out what words people used to find me, though it is an interesting idea.

So back to the title. There was some stripping going on at Wal-Mart tonight. OK, just for the record, I'm still on Friday night even though I KNOW the date says it's Saturday. That's just how I roll. That sounded kind of silly coming from me, but what ya gonna do?

I took a nap earlier tonight, and that's why it is now 4:21 in the morning and I'm no where near ready for bed. I went grocery shopping after waking, I left the house around 11. I brought Izzy with me. Why did I take my precocious ever so curious and mischieveious 2 year old out at 11 at night? Because that boy climbs out of bed, and out of his pack n play. I knew Jason wouldn't be able to stay awake with him until I got home, the whole being up since 5 in the morning thing and all. The olders were fine staying and watching movies. When I got home, they were in bed, so I'm assuming dear old Dad sent them to bed once the movie was done anyway.

I digress, but don't I always? I went over and picked up MF Jenn, and off to Wal-Mart we went. There is beauty in shopping so late. Fewer people shopping, and they are stocking then, so if it isn't out, there is always someone close by that you can have go check for you to see if they do have it. I have $200 to spend on food, and spend it I shall. That money will get us enough food to last about 2 weeks, thankfully. We'll just have to top off a little next week, with water, soda, bread, that kind of thing.

I remembered to bring my canvas bags, the ones that the cashiers dread seeing. I use them because I have 4 kids and I feel that just by having those kids, that's enough damage to the environment, you know, heating the house and driving them all over and stuff like that. When Jenn and I shop, we go through the entire store. By the way, I forgot the tomato paste and the mayo. That's what I get for not writing out a complete list. Again, I digress. We start over in the General Merchandise and work our way to the Groceries, more often than not. I needed cat litter anyway. I picked up a couple of tiny, but very nice smelling candles. Jenn needed yarn for the blankets she is making for Christmas gifts.

I was just at Wal-Mart yesterday. I didn't look for little boy belts though. So I needed to look for those for Izzy, and size 3T pants. I want them that big so that I know he will have room to grow in them. However, as he has no butt to hold them up, they will fall down because Izzy is not a chunker, he's a heavy big boy, but fat isn't what he is made of, so he NEEDS a belt on too big pants. We are looking at toddler boy clothes and Jenn asks if she can buy Izzy a "Cars" shirt.

Keep in mind, more often than not, I won't buy characters anything for the kids. On the rarest of rare occassions one of the kids can convince me to get them a Transformer this or a Princess that. This goes for clothes and bedding. Toys don't apply to this sweeping rule.

Yesterday, I bought Izzy a pair of "Cars" slippers. I tell Jenn that it's all right, I'm not the one buying it. I don't buy characters because kids outgrow them so quickly, and it's harder to do hand me downs with an out of date character on the front. Izzy is all geeked and keeps pointing at the shirts and saying "Cars, Cars, Cars". I think Jenn was impressed that he was talking at all.

Izzy CAN talk, he just doesn't. I don't know why he doesn't, he just chooses not to. I guess he feels he has nothing to really contribute, what with everyone else talking constantly it seems. Izzy pointed to a grey long sleeve shirt with Lightning McQueen plastered over the front.

We finish up our shopping, which takes about an hour more. Speedy shoppers we are not. We take our time, often going up and down each row or backtracking through 1/2 the department to find what we want. We manage to get all of our stuff in to one cart, so at least we didn't buy out the store.

I get all checked out, stuff shoved in to canvas bags and all of that. As Jenn is checking out, she tells the cashier, Leanne, to just hand the shirt to Izzy. Jenn then continues with the paying process. Izzy takes the hanger out of the shirt and hands it to me. He then starts the attempt of taking off his hoody so that he can put on his "Cars" shirt. Feeling sympathy for the boy, and knowing that at that ripe age of 2 he WON'T let it lay to rest, I strip his hoody and shirt off of him. Jenn looks over and sees a half naked boy where once a fully clothed one sat before. I take the tag off of the shirt and put his new, much loved shirt on him. The entire time, Izzy is saying "Cars, Cars, Cars" and signing "Thank You".

Did that catch you? That Izzy signs? Well, being the strong willed (read STUBBORN) child that he is and his utmost refusal to communicate with us, we have been teaching him basic signs. He can sign Please, Thank You, Bath, Eat, Mommy, Daddy, Cheese, Potato Chip, More, and Done. Maybe a couple of others that I'm not thinking of at the moment. With prompting, he can put two or more signs together in a basic sentence and he has started to SAY the word along with the sign.

This is how we wound up "Stripping at Wal-Mart". I told Jenn I would blog the moment because it's pretty funny. Also, I would catch a lot of traffic just on the title. HAHA! I jokingly said I would go and do it myself, the stripping. It'd be like the really cheap show that didn't have a cover charge. But please tip me. Or just tip me over and roll me out!

I know I missed Thankful Thursday. Thursday we went to Jason's folks for dinner, so the preperations before then made things get rather hectic around here and we didn't get home til almost 11. I'll catch back up next week, that there is a promise.

Prayers and Blessings, and have a wonderful weekend.

Well Crap

Unfortunately, my mind has been made up about the new President, at least who I'd like to take that job. Why unfortunately? Because I was really hoping to have some more time to really take the time to look at them all and think on it. And what did it was not the candidates for the job, but the candidates for the 2nd in command. More accurately, the candidate for the 2nd in command for McCain.

I thought Bush was extreme in his religiosity (yep, it's a real word). However, Palin is worse. She has stated that the Iraq war is "a task that is from God". Um, yeah. Oh, and the whole 17 year old daughter being 5 months pg thing. Shit happens, I get that. If her daughter had been taught more than just abstinence, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't find herself knocked up at a tender age. And she is getting married. I'm not stupid. I was a 17 year old knocked up kid once. I know that girl is feeling extreme pressure from all around her, her family ESPECIALLY, about what she should do. You can NOT tell me with a straight face and an honest answer that that girl has NOT been influenced to marry the boy that got her pregnant. It's the "right" thing after all, isn't it?

So there you have it, I've thrown my towel in with Obama. I liked him anyway. The more I paid attention to what he was saying, and how he was going about it, I liked him. I'll be sad when someone kills him, it will REALLY suck when that happens.

Now I'm going to start getting stalked by the Secret Service. The thing is, I'm not making a threat. It's the facts. He will be the first President that isn't a WASP through and through. Kennedy was Catholic and look what they did to him. And Lincoln let all the slaves go free. This country has enough crazy folks in it that there will be someone who tries it, I guarentee it. It won't be me. Though it wouldn't surprise me if it wasn't someone from my home state.

So my point is this. Palin is letting her religion run her politics. That means she is not someone I am willing to vote for. I like being able to believe as I please. I also TOTALLY disagree with the Iraq war. We shouldn't be there, that simple. Task from God my ass, just like the Crusades were?

Tomorrow is Thankful Thursday and we'll have a happier lighter tone to it all. Prayers and Blessings all.

Made From Scratch

Later today I'll post pics of our home made pretzels. We made them last night, around 10 at night. One thing I have learned about having James and Jayden help me cook, I need to double check to make sure all of the ingredients are put IN to the bowl. I'm pretty sure we forgot the sugar in the recipe. They came out tasting all right, like biscuits, I expected them to be a bit sweeter, hence the belief that we forgot the sugar. We will also be attempting mini popovers later today, and for dinner I am going to try out a potato and mini sausage recipe. To me, the popovers look like sweet fruitless muffins, one of the main ingredients is honey, so we'll see how those turn out.

Brandi over at Mountain Morning is giving away another book. She sure does like to do that! The book is all about things HOMEMADE! I'll be trying to do a lot more of that in the coming weeks and months.

Jason and I have talked and we decided that it would be best for our family right now for me to, once again, take up the mantle of full time stay at home mommy. Jason worries that I may go insane, hell, I'm already there! All kidding aside, I can set up a night a week to run away, either with MF Jenn or to the library or something like that.

This will free up my schedule to allow for scouts for James on Mondays, and trips to Muskegon for Katy, and all sorts of things like that. Oh, and one of Jason's fav things, me cooking home made dinners. And him not being left with the kids by himself, especially now that I'm watching Allen and Jessi three times a week for pay while Jack and Christina's schedules over lap. I need to ask permission from them if I can post pics including their kids here on my blog (not my kids, so I'm not going to assume it's all right, though I think it should be, as no last names are used and other identifying things are kept out of the limelight).

On Thursday we are going to my in-law's for dinner. Why? Well, Jason really wants to go down and spend some time with them. That's why. That sums it all up right there, the whole ball of wax. I can understand that desire, though I usually don't share in it with my own famly. I'm not really sure why that is, but it's just how it goes around here.

Jason is still working on the pieces for our giant map of the U.S. I've gottent through Maine in my flash cards of the state maps for James, and I've completed the state name/capitol ones and Jayden's sight words. James sees his ped tomorrow (we overslept by A LOT for the appt that was this past week, so it was rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon) for a med check. James is happier without taking the Strattera, however the Super Hyper Mode is going to drive me absolutely batty, I tell you! I want to talk to her and see if there are other med options available, or if we can try a lower dose and taking it in the mornings again. I don't want to supress his personality, but I do want him to be able to sit still for longer than 15 seconds. Tonight I told him to go to bed at 11:20 because I was DONE. I just couldn't handle the CONSTANT activity anymore. UGH.

Izzy has his Early On teacher at 11 in the morning. Once he is old enough to go in to the classroom situation, I *think* I will be taking him out of the public school system. He has to be 3 then, and I will see how he is progressing at that point.

I'm thinking this is all for this post right now. It's going on 2:30 in the morning and I'm getting pretty tired. I need to wash dishes tomorrow, try to get my tomatoes replanted (still working on that project), clean up the living/dining rooms, and find my ball of yarn that Izzy hid on me. I'm working on a great blanket that will make a wonderful gift, except Izzy picked up the ball, with the needles stuck in it, and carted it off somewhere. That boy is more and more mischevious as the days go by.

Prayers and blessings and have a wonderful day.