Friday, February 18, 2011

Sickness and Healing

I thought of this post a couple of days ago, but I am just now getting the time to sit down and write it out. Izzy came home a couple of days ago from school, laid down on the floor, and fell asleep. He slept pretty much until this afternoon. I'm still on Thursday, even though the post technically says it's Friday.

He didn't throw up. No diarrea or anything like that. He had a mild fever, but with his history of seizures, we gave him tyelnol just to be safe. We gave it to him twice. In those two days. He would get up every so often. Enough to point to a movie that was being held in front of him, or drink from a juice box or 7 up can. Then he would pass back out for another few hours. We'd change his diaper every few hours. He was still wetting, so that was fine.

Izzy barely ate anything, which always worries every parent and it did us. He didn't speak or use any real form of communication. My abilities to observe and understand without language were really put to the test.

We knew that today he'd be feeling better because he actually ate some of his breakfast, drank 2 juice boxes (before he'd barely get down 1/2), and got in the tub. He was also trying to use some kind of words. The other kids and I went on a field trip and Izzy was crying and upset when we left without him.

Tonight, he ate dinner and again drank more juice. Yesterday he felt cool to the touch so I knew then that he was on the mend.

What does all of this have to do with anything?

Izzy's body takes over when he is sick. It stops doing all extraneous functions. It pees, poops, breathes, sleeps, and rarely wakes and moves. He will drink and barely eat. He doesn't sit up much at all, but stays in a somewhat commical position of folded over his legs, which are indian style. He doesn't talk. He doesn't run and jump and play.

He also doesn't try to clean the house because it *must* be done. He doesn't go into work because it's what he *must* do. His body heals itself quickly and efficiently. Why? Because it is allowed to do as our bodies have been doing for eons.

There are so many times where we, as adults, find ourselves fighting those very urges and needs so that we can accomplish what we *must* simply because it's "what is done". Never mind that it takes us a week or longer to fully heal. Never mind that we are dead miserable for that week, and make those around us as miserable.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Are we truly helping anyone by going and doing what *must* be done while we are miserably ill?

I'm rather certain that most of the people that read this blog are parents. Aren't we supposed to be setting good examples for our children by doing things that take care of ourselves?

What is pushing yourself through your illness teaching them? That they must sacrifice their well being for those around them? If they aren't healthy, how can they be the best at whatever it is that they are doing? Doesn't the same go for ourselves.

Those of you with children that aren't autistic, how many of them do you send to bed to rest while they are sick? How many naturally lay in bed and feel miserable all on their own? Do you force them to do things that they don't want to while they are in that state? Why do you do it to yourself?

To be the best people that we can be (I'm on a tangent lately apparently) we need to pay attention to our bodies, to how they have been programmed to care for themselves. If it hurts, don't do it. That's a lesson that harkens back to our childhoods. If it hurts and is miserable to get out of bed and keep going as though we are well, why do we do it? What is it that honestly can't wait to be done?

I'm saying this, pay attention to what is going on with your body. It tries to shut down when you are ill so it can heal. The more you allow it to do what needs to be done, the sooner you will feel better.

As a side note, I'm not speaking of life altering illnesses here, but things like the flu and diarrea and severe head and chest colds, and sinus infections to name a few.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Rose Colored Glasses

Any free thinking person realizes that Love Beats Hate. Sounds simple, right? You just look at it and go "Well, DUH". Sadly that isn't quite the case.

Now those of you who read here regularly know me. You know I stand up and say what I feel and think and I don't come across at it sideways, it's all straight forward. I feel that's the best way about it. You even know that my last post was one about unity.

I've always felt a bit like a dreamer. (Yes, "Imagine" just popped into my head, as I'm sure it did yours). Maybe it's naievete or looking at the world through rose colored glasses. You'd think that with all the difficulties I've had in my life that I would be a cynic. I can't do it. It literally makes me ill to be like that. It's against my nature. I have a feeling that it really is against everyone's nature.

Huh? What the hell am I talking about?

Think about it. When something really upsets you, how do you feel physically? At the least you get that frown on your face and your brow furrows. Right? If it keeps going, your stomach begins to get messed up. Your muscles tighten up. You feel aches and pains that really have no cause. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe it's all that anger and frustration you're feeling? Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling that way, the whole world is a piece of shit? That nothing ever goes right? Everyone and everything is out to get you?

Let me tell you how it goes with these rose colored glasses. I feel good. Really honestly good. I smile. I'm happy. I try hard to share that goodness with others. Those things in life that make everyone angry, used to piss me off beyond belief, I take them for what they actually are, happenings in a life.

Your life is built of moments. Good ones, bad ones, scary ones, happy ones, sad one, enlightening ones. Allowing yourself to be brought down by few, or even one, of those moments short changes you in your ability to experience the rest of those moments.

How many times have you been angry about something, and your child or other loved tells you "I love you" and you totally missed out on it and gave them a simple "yeah yeah, I love you too, now go away"? Cut a little close to home?

I do not stand here unaffected by those moments. I am not a purist preaching to those that have strayed. I too, am in there, allowing myself to be affected in ways I shouldn't be. But heres the difference, I am trying, I am learning, to let them go. There is nothing I can do to change them once they have happened. It's that simple. Carrying that hurt, that anger, that mistrust, doesn't help anyone. It doesn't fix anything. It just festers and grows and affects everything and everyone in your life in a way I know you don't want. Why would anyone actually WANT to spread that around?

I know this is a post about sharing love and marginalized populations. Stop and think, are you putting yourself, and your life in with that? Are you marginalizing your own life, not living it to the fullest you can because you can't let go, you can't love and care and be happy? Maybe you feel you can't allow it, or maybe you can't heal from a past hurt, whatever it is, it's an excuse, it's a way to hide away, it's not being absolutely the best person you can be. And you are hurting yourself and those around you as you were once hurt. To deny yourself, to deny your loved ones the love, attention, and caring that you and they deserve, you are continuing that hurt. And when you break it down, it always originates with some kind of hurt.

So here's my statement to you. Let go of the hurt. It's not doing you any good, or anyone around you. Allow yourself the pleasure, the joy, the love that you and they deserve.

They may be rose colored glasses, but the view is amazing.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

In The Name of Unity

You'd think that being a parent of a large family there'd be unity in numbers? That other parents would be able to cross boundries of religion and livlihood and come together for the simple sake that with this many kids finding others with that in common would be great. It'd be supportive. It'd let you know that you aren't alone in this craziness of kids and households and all of that.

Apparently, I'm wrong. I guess I see the world through rose colored glasses. I guess I don't understand. Wait, I know I don't understand. I was told that because I don't fit in their box, that I cannot play.

I am tempted to post the email that I received. It's from one of the mom bloggers of the "All In A Day" blog post. I think I won't. I do have lots to say though

I would think that exposing yourself and your children to ALL of the people of the world would teach and encourage them, and yourselves, to be the best and the brightest that you could be. That you would want your children to understand and ACCEPT that there are so many different people in the world and they are all amazing for who they are.

However, that doesn't seem to be the case. Apparently because I think differently, because I see the world from different eyes, from a different perspective makes it so I'm not qualified enough to play along. Or maybe it's those very differences that scare the hell out of them. I was told that the ladies of the list want to make sure that their readers, who are young impressionable moms, read only "wholesome" blogs. It give the understanding, without coming out and saying it, that I might "corrupt" those young and impressionable minds.

It leaves with the feeling of How Dare I Be Different and Want To Join Their Club? Why would I believe that would be allowable? Maybe they should make clear when they say "Come Join In The Fun" that it says "Only As Long As You Believe As We Do Because We Must Keep it Pure".

Personally, I want my children to go out and be active members of our world's societies as a whole, not just little sects of it. I want them to KNOW that they are only one small part of what makes up a pretty amazing place. I don't want them to be deterred by the thought that someone isn't ok simply because of how they look, how they speak, or what they believe. I would think that every parent would want that for their child. But I've been corrected of that notion. I think that to do that to your children, keep them in that secluded box, is to do them a great disservice. When they become adults, and honestly even before then, they will realize that who they were taught to be isn't all in the world, that in fact that very belief is in the minority in most of the world. Living such a close minded life is detrimental. It doesn't matter what the beliefs underneath are, it boils down to the same problem.

Our world is rapidly changing. And it is going to continue doing so. We need to raise our children, whether we have 1 or 20, to go out and be members of the WORLD, not some small knit close minded community. Those types of communities is how atrocities and terrorists come about.

For people to be so close minded that they are only willing to accept their own is how this world ends up with things like apartheid and slavery and terrorism and genocide. These concepts go across the board in their inability to accept anyone else for who and what they are. Sadly, they are also often backed by religion. I don't want to be the part of any religion where concepts like these are acceptable. Where I'd be considered "saving" someone else for not believing as I do. What exactly am I saving them from? It's their soul, it's their life, who the hell am I to tell them how to live it?

Moreso, who am I to tell another what they can and can't read? Who am I to tell them who they can or can't love or marry? Who am I to dictate to someone else anything of the sort? I'm no different than anyone else and if I'm not in the position to do those things, who the hell are THEY who can do it to me?

I pity these women, I pity their children. They will never understand, nor experience, what life truly has to offer because they will not be able to open their minds, or their hearts, enough to allow someone who is different in. They are so afraid of the influence that person may have that they can't allow it to begin with. Which leads me thinking if their way of life is so great, why the fear of someone else? Could it be their own self doubt? How would it be possible that ONE person who is different, who sees the world differently, who lives their life differently, has the potential to cause so much havoc? That I can't be allowed on a list because I might not offer the "right" kind of guidance to young mothers? Makes ya think, don't it?

Anyway, I'm done with my tirade. I don't know what I'll do in place of that post. I thought it was nice in concept at least. Ah well, to each their own. At the end of the day, they have to lay in their beds and I have to lay in mine. I can't do anything about the fact that they see the world in black and white and I see the full spectrum of colors.

Prayers and blessings everyone. I really hope that your eyes are open to the world as a whole and not stuck behind the guise of being "right".

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Not So Much All In A Day

This was an introduction to a post joining with a bunch of other bloggers about being parents of large families. Apparently, I'm not "good enough" to be part of that because my views are different and I "take the lord's name in vain". So I was pulled from the list. Lovely, right? I'm still leaving a majority of this post up. I like the idea of doing something like this each week. I'll figure out a different name for it. If anyone wants to join along, go ahead. If not, that's ok too.


I'm Jamie. I'm married to Jason. I have 6 kids total. Jason and I share 3 of them, and it will soon be 5 of them. He's adopting James and Jayda this year (YAY FINALLY!!).


James, Jayda, and Izzy are all special needs. I talk on this blog about that, A LOT. It's definately a fixture in our lives. There are many many MANY ups and downs with having so many specific needs. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to do what is best for one without short cutting another. James has Asperger's Syndrome and is Bi-Polar. Jayda is still in the discovery phase. She will be seeing a pediatric neurologist at the end of April to see if maybe there is something going on that way. Izzy is Autistic and almost completely non-verbal.


My mornings and early afternoons each week are BUSY. Between OT, Tutoring, therapy, classes, and regular doctor appointments we spend quite a bit out and about. Thankfully with Jason working 3rd shift, he stays home with the non-appointment kids and gets Izzy onto his school bus. Afternoons when the appointments are done are spent doing schoolwork.


James and Jayda are homeschooled. We don't follow a specific curriculum, which makes it easy to tailor to their needs and interests. I've started blogging about already and I will be doing that more and more. Izzy attends a school with a specialized autism program.


Kati, my oldest, doesn't live with us. We see her as often as possible, but with her being a teenager, she has a busy schedule of her own and we feel it's not often enough. She plays the violin and flute. She's in drama club, plays basketball, and recently joined the wrestling team. She's in 8th grade this year and is amazingly brilliant. She loves to read and write poetry and draw.


James is 12. He's funny with a sarcastic whit. He is learning to love reading, I'm teaching him to bring a book to every appointment and class because you just never know when you may end up sitting there and be waiting. James loves legos, right now his focuses are the Bionacles. He is a great artist and loves to draw in pencil. Video games are a favorite way to pass his time, and he feels he doesn't get to play enough.


Jayda is bright light in our day. She always seems to be happy, unless of coarse she is being thwarted by her brothers. She is the girliest girl I've ever met and I'm trying to figure out how she came from me. She loves her skirts and pink shirts. If it glitters or has feathers it becomes a daily part of her wardrobe. The outfits she comes up with always make me laugh. I often wonder if she'll have a future designing clothes. She's just beginnging to learn to sew and cross stitch. She also wants to learn to play guitar and piano.


Izzy is short for Issac. He is mischief packaged in a 5 year old boy. While he doesn't talk much, he is sharp as a tack. He loves all things with wheels, and the movie Cars. Jumping and bouncing are great fun to him, especially now that he has his own mini trampoline. Izzy is very much a rough and tumble boy who loves mud puddles and digging in the dirt.


Finishing out the kids are our 18 month old twins, Jack and Abbey. They were our last "baby". They keep us entertained and in stitches from their cuteness and antics. They are learning new things every day and are very very happy. I'm pretty sure they know how cute they are and use it to their extreme advantage.


Jason is my rock and co-conspirator in this crazy game of life. We're both in our mid 30's (already? When did we become grown ups?). We've been together for 8 1/2 years and married for 5 1/2 (almost 6) of those. He is the opposite side of my coin. Our cores are the same but how we look at things is completely different and it works out. He collects coins and his interests change with the seasons it seems. He's an amazing artist and plays the guitar beautifully. He works at WalMart. His plan is to work his way into management.


I'm honest and frank and prone to swear. I'm working on the swearing thing, at least curbing it a bit. It's crazy and chaotic and I couldn't imagine having it any other way. I am crafty to a fault. I have about a bajillion projects of all sorts going on at once, knit, crochet, scrapbooking, sewing, quilting, and beading. I play the clarinet, tenor saxaphone, and bassoon passably well. I'm teaching myself piano (along with the kids, I'm about 2 steps ahead of them thankfully) and Jason is teaching me guitar. I love to cook and bake. The best thing I've ever bought for my kitchen was my Kitchen Aid mixer. And no, my hair isn't blue anymore. That was a temporary dye.

We all live in a big old house (over 110 years old) in a moderately sized city. Our goal is in a few years to move much further north where it stays colder longer and there are fewer people. Our only limitation is that there has to be a WalMart somewhat close by so Jason can work. I garden when it's warm, both flowers and food. We do a lot of work on our old house and when we move, I know I'll miss it, and all the trees, bushes, and perennial plants I've put in.

Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope you enjoy checking out all the blogs that are playing along!