Monday, January 10, 2011

How do you...

How do you convince a man that it's only a name? If a rose were called a thorn flower, it'd still BE a rose, right? This is the dilema (as a quick side note, according to Blogger's spell check, dilema is spelled *dilemma* Huh.) I'm coming across with Homer and James.

Homer has agreed to Jason adopting the kids, on ONE condition, that James keep his last name. HUH??? He doesn't want to pay child support, as it is he only pays 1/2 of what he's ordered to. I get the impression he feels he's paying for James. Homer has never wanted to claim Jayden as his. I don't know if he's pissed he has to pay support for her, but I do know he doesn't like it.

As far as Jason is concerned, James and Jayden are HIS kids. He's raised them for the last 8 1/2 years. He has done so with little input from Homer, aside from Homer's begrudgingly and unpredictably paid child support. It isn't unusual for the kids to go 2 or more years without seeing him and months without talking to him on the phone.

James has anxiety about his family relations as it is, I can only begin to imagine what it would be like for him to have everyone else in the family to have a different name. I think it would make him feel like he weren't as much a part of our family as everyone else.

Explaining that to Homer doesn't work. He doesn't care about that, he doesn't want to hear about that (or anything else that is ACTUALLY going on with James in any way that makes "his boy" seem less than "perfect" *snort*). All he cares is that James is "his boy" and "his namesake" (not keeping in mind that Homer's father has another son with the same last name) and that James should keep the name because that's what Homer wants.

I admit that I wish Homer would just stop paying support and disappear off the face of the Earth for at least 18 months straight. Then I could get the adoption done because of "abandonment". But he pays support 1/2 ass each month and calls every so often. Damn.

So how do I convince a man that is so self focused that what is best for his child isn't what he wants?

Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope your week is filled with less perplexing things than what I'm trying to figure out.


Kristine said...

After the adoption, would he legally be able to force you to keep the last name the same? It would cost extra money, but could you do them separately?

Serial Mommy said...

He wants a legally binding agreement so I would have to keep James' last name the same. I think that while being filed at the same time, the adoptions would be two different motions, one for each kid. I know he'll agree to the one for Jayden without a bat of the eye. It's the one stupid clause for James that he wants. James is now on facebook, and is listed with what will be his new last name so hopefully that will get the ex accustomed to it being that way.

Captain Dumbass said...

Can he even demand something like that?