Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love Ya?

Well, tomorrow is the day, well THE day. I wonder, do I love ya tomorrow? Everyone is so excited and so eager and so...well, everything I'm just not feeling right now. Me? I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'd like a decent nights sleep where it doesn't hurt to roll over and MAYBE I can sleep on my belly again.

Today is my day to....well, what? I don't know. No one is here but me. Jason is working. Jayden and James are still in Wisconsin with Linda. Izzy left last night with Audra. I figured I'd clean or something. Set stuff up. Repack my bag. You know, DO STUFF. However, I have NO motivation. I feel tired. I slept til 11:30 this morning, so I really don't need a nap.

Honestly, there isn't much to "set up". My bag is packed, I just need to go through and double check the contents. Maybe I could pick up the floor? Fold laundry? Watch a movie? I'm very so so on all of that. I do need to shower at some point, so I don't need to worry about that at a Gods Awful Hour in the morning. I do know I'll be cranky as all get out in the morning. Waking up before 8. No food or drink since midnight. Not even some water. At that hour, I'd normally grab a can of Dew to get me going. Nope, not gonna happen. UGH!

I feel bad for Jason too. At least stuff will be happening TO me. He gets to sit there with me all day and well, just sit there. He gets to relay messages to family. He gets to eat and drink, the lucky bastard. Sorry for that last one Sweetie.

Oh, I would like to know how I'm supposed to breast feed TWO babies in recovery when I haven't eaten and had anything to drink in almost 12 hours? Seriously, if those babies can get ANYTHING out of my boobs, it'd be the consistency of SLUDGE.

So heres to tomorrow. May it hold...um...crap, I was never good at the toast thing. Well, at least it will be Friday, that has to be worth something, right? Oh, don't expect any updates here until Monday or Tuesday. Jason has said that he will NOT come home and upload photos and screw around with stuff. That everyone in cyber world can just wait. If you are my friend on facebook, my friend Jenn and my sister Katie are supposed to come up on Friday evening and take pics of the babies and they'll post them and tag them so they show up on my profile. Other than that, you're going to have to wait. Sorry. He's stubborn and I'm not wasting the energy arguing with him.

Down to the Wire

Well, technically it is now July 28. The section is scheduled for Friday morning, the 31st, at 10. What is that, 3 days? Holy Hell. I'm getting nervous. This is major surgery people. I've had surgery before, sure, but it was TOTALLY unexpected. I didn't plan on falling and landing in such a way with James landing on me in such a way that my ankle would dislocate and break in three places and need surgery.

I've been induced before, sure. I've even known the date in advance. Those times, I had a good idea of what to expect. How things would go. What to do with the ONE baby once I got home. Sure it took adjustment, but I was COOL.

This time, I'm getting major surgery. I'm also bringing home TWO babies. I feel like I may end up juggling them or something. Like it's all a joke. Haha, made you look! Admittedly, I do worry about that. Only bringing one home. Yes, I KNOW I worry too much.

After the babies are out and home with me, I always look at them and wonder how it was that I even existed before they were there. How is it that I had a life that consisted of BEFORE them? This time it will be doubly so. I'm excited for it. I am anxious to see their faces. Nuzzle them close and hold them tight. Yeah, I know I sound sappy. Blame it on the hormones, OK?

I have my mind set that I am going to do this breast feeding thing. That I will give it a good effort. Maybe the baby wearing will help. I've got a really good breast pump. A good support system. I'm here all the time anyway. We'll see how it goes.

This week is supposed to be the finishing up of things that need to be done. Doing the last of the baby laundry. Cleaning up the office so I can use the crib if need be. Making sure that the bags for Izzy and myself are packed. Settling questions like "Should I wear jeans home from the hospital or a sundress?" I'm kind of waiting on the forcast to come out to answer that one. What movies do I bring to the hospital with me? Should I toss some excedrin and ibprofen in my bag, just in case?

Those are all questions I can answer. Then there are the ones that I can't answer. What am I going to feel like after the surgery? Everyone says it hurts like hell. However I'm already in pain 90% of the time - the other 10% is when I'm so passed out sleeping that I don't know if I'm in pain or not - anyway, so how would this be any different? Sure, it'll be a different KIND of pain, but pain is pain is pain. What about the meds they are going to give me, how will those affect me? I've never taken percocet or narco before. I'll have a morphine drip for shortly after the surgery. I've never had that either. The ONE time I've had morphine, that I can remember at least, was when I was in labor with Katy and all it did was make me sleepy. I probably had it after my other surgery, but I don't know for sure.

How will Izzy handle the new babies? James and Jayden will do pretty well I think. Katy Beth can practice her babysitting skills. Izzy is the one I worry about. He's just now starting to make more "conversational" noise, what if this causes him to shut down and shut up? How well will Jason handle the stress of it? Up until they are born, it's all me doing the taking care of them, they are IN me after all. He worries so much about making sure we have what we need that I wonder what having 2 more "mouths to feed" will do to him. I admit that the breast feeding comes in to play here again. It is more than the mouths that need to be fed however. It's the butts that need diapers and the backs that need clothes.

I do worry about me too. I'm prone to depression. Stress affects my milk production. Will I be able to care for two little babies who are up at all kinds of weird hours and still keep my cool with James? Will I do OK with recovering from the surgery while chasing down Izzy and caring for the new little ones? I wasn't kidding when I said my world would completely change once they arrive.

I know the blessings outweigh any of the negatives. I believe that too. I know that I will get through simply because it's what I do. I live it one day at a time and go from there. That doesn't keep the worries at bay, but it does put it in perspective. I think there is a good reason that we don't know what tomorrow will bring. How could we focus on today if we knew that tomorrow would change it all?

Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope you are able to keep perspective today, no matter how your world may be changing tomorrow.

Why I Want the Babies to come Before Next Friday

This is going to sound extremely shallow. Right now, I just need to get it out. I don't know if she reads this blog or not. At the moment, I don't care.

My mom is trying VERY hard to have next Friday off so she can be there when I have the babies. I did not ask her to do this. I am also remiss in not telling her NOT to do this. I also have not been able to figure out how to tell her to stay home without hurting her feelings. Honestly, I don't want her there. I don't understand why she wants to be there. She was not there for Jayden or Izzy's births. I've had major surgery before. She wasn't there for that either. Her reason for that one was "I don't like hospitals". Um, anyone in their right mind really doesn't like them!

I have talked about this with Deb my therapist. I can't figure out the reasoning. Without really knowing why, it's hard to figure out how to stop her, if that makes sense?

Jason and I had planned on it just being him and I. We were going to have my friend Jenn there in case Jason needed something. This was back before we found out about the twins. That changed very little once we knew we were having surgery. We still asked just Jenn to be there. To go with the twins to the nursery if need be. Jason wanted to stay in the O.R. with me.

I know my mom won't be in the O.R. It's one erson allowed. That person is Jason. No recalls, no substitutions. My mom's current plan is to try to get the day off of work and have my sister, who works here in town and recently moved back up there by Mom, to pick Mom up on her way in to town for work, drop her off at the hospital at about 8 in the morning (when I have to be there) and then pick her up after she gets out of work at 5 in the afternoon.

I told Jason this plan. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Is there any way to get her to NOT do that?" I said "Without hurting her feelings? No."

Honestly, this is NOT what I want for the birth of my babies, nor my day of bonding with them. I don't want to try to entertain my mom. I don't want to ask my mom to let go of my babies so I can hold them and care for them. I don't want her there.

I am not close to my mom. Not by any means. My sister has dinner with her every other weekend. Her son spends every other weekend up there visiting. They do all kinds of stuff together. My mom is a great grandmother, to my sister's kid. I admit that I keep it that way.

My mom is so close minded that I can't believe that she is my mom. I don't argue politics or religion or how to raise kids or my choice to homeschool or anything like that with her. I simply say "it's how we (meaning Jason and I) have decided to do it" and I leave it at that. It's not open for discussion or disection.

My sister definately suffers through the repercussions of being close to my mom. My mom questions Katie's motives, her understanding of what is going on with her son, and second guesses her all the time. Katie, being the placater in the family, allows this to go on.

I don't like my mom. I know that makes me a horrid daughter. I love my mom, I just don't like her. I don't like to spend time with her. To me it feels like torture. I feel like I am in customer service all over again and I'm just smiling and nodding and counting the minutes until I can go home.

That all being said, how do you tell your mom "Stay home. I don't want you anywhere near me on the day that I give birth" without seriously wounding her? I may not like her, but that does not mean I want to hurt her. That all being said, I know that come next Friday, I'm going to be dealing with my mom. That really taints my whole birth process, mine and Jason's first day with our new babies, and that makes me angry. When I'm angry, I'm not nice. Let's hope Mom makes it through the day in one piece, shall we?

Feeling A Little Confused This Morning

I read the blog The Women's Colony all the time. I love the blog. I read it every day. Even though I know there aren't new things posted every day, I go there to check. I think Mrs. G has a great sarcastic wit and her outlook on many things is realistic and funny. Short of having a physical place called The Women's Colony, this is her dream baby.

The Colony accepts submissions. Anyone with a keyboard, an email, and the ability to string two words together in decent english can submit what they choose. To me, that makes The Colony even more appealing. I had submitted this blog entry a while ago. I can go back and check dates, but I know it's been a couple of weeks at least. I received an answer, asking me to write something from my own perspective, without using the essay that I posted, and credited, to another author. So I did.

Keep in mind, I've never even had anything even remotely considered to be published on a blog that isn't my own. I have a very small readership. I don't even have one of those google reader site tracer things that tells me how the readers found me or where they come from. I think that lately, it's been more family and people I know who read here more than anyone else. I like that.

I received an email on Sunday letting me know that my submission was going to be published on Monday on The Colony in the Family Room. I thought that it would be the personal essay I had written. Very few people have actually seen that essay. Jason, my friend Jenn, and myself are the only ones I can think of that I've shared it with, other than the ladies at The Colony who I sent it to. What was posted was my original submission of my blog entry. The one that contained the essay that was credited to the other author.

I went to The Colony this morning, to check in as I usually do, to see what I may have missed. I know that some times I don't get the chance to read every page every day because I'm interupted by life here in the real world. My submission had been retracted. This leaves me feeling confused.

I need to say that I completely understand that The Colony is a private space. That Mrs. G and her team of ladies have absolute final say over what is posted there and what is not. Where I'm confused is on this point. If my submission was something that Mrs. G, or one of the other ladies (I have no way of actually knowing) didn't want posted, why was it posted to begin with?

All of that being said, I'm not going to stop reading The Colony. I understand that what I write may not be in agreement with everyone. I've come across times when it doesn't agree with my own family, Jason included in that. I understand that some topics are touchy, things people in "polite" society would dream of saying. I've written things that some would consider rude and crass and insensitive. I've shared intimate details of all aspects of my relationships with all the people around me.

In all of that, I've started writing about being a parent to a special needs kid. About the difficulties and challenges. How it makes ME feel to be the parent of this child. There is so much out there on the internet and in books and publications about how to parent kids like this. You are told to join support groups that have other parents of kids like yours. You are told of all the therapies for your kid and programs for your kid. You are guided to look at the best way to parent your child, and are expected to change how you've been doing things, even if the way you've been doing them has worked pretty well up to now, because you now have a kid that has specific needs.

However, it seems that NO ONE ever mentions how the parent feels while caring for this child. No one ever talks about the trials and tribulations. The self doubt, the anger, the fear, the hurt. All that come from JUST being the parent, but also being inflicted upon you by the child, on a constant daily basis. Apparently, to speak of this makes you "less" of the strong parent you SHOULD be. You are supposed to shut up and take it in stride. How you personally feel is not nearly as important as how you parent your child and help him/her succeed and overcome.

This leads me to ask, how can I be the best parent possible if I am disregarding my own feelings? Don't my feelings, don't my perceptions, doesn't my view of interaction affect how I parent? Why did no one ever tell me that I'll need my own therapist to be able to get through this? Why did no one ever say that there may be many many days where I feel like I've been beaten with a bat and I can barely function enough for myself, let alone all of those around me who rely on me to keep things together?

My posts about James are brutal and honest. There is so much that I don't share as well. Even I worry about how I, as a parent, will be perceived. There are things that, unless you are also a parent of a child with similar needs as James, are better left unsaid. They are hinted at, and if you experience those things personally, you understand them. You also have it understood that you are not alone. That I get it. I'm right there in the trenches with you.

When James becomes older, and if he were to read this blog, he would not be surprised by what I have shared. He already knows. As part of his therapy, as part of our learning to parent him, we talk candidly about feelings and reactions to others. It is supposed to help him learn, to make the connection between action and feeling. The things that I won't share here, I also won't share with him. I talk with Jason about them, I talk to my therapist. They are private thoughts and feelings.

All of that rambling to sum up this point. If I help just one other parent feel like they aren't out to sea without a life boat or vest, then that's good for me.

A Trip to the Zoo

This was Izzy's first trip to a zoo. I would have taken him sooner, the Olders have been bugging me about it, but I really wanted to make sure that Jason went along too. Considering that the only kid here at the moment is Izzy, we took advantage and went to the zoo. It's within the 1/2 hour driving distance I've been given so that worked out. Jason had the day off, the weather was great at about 65 for the day and not too bright and sunny. Not having the Olders with us saved us quite a bit of money between entry fees (I think next year we'll get a family subscription, just going twice in the season will have the pass pay for itself) and no need to stop at the gift shop and all of that.

Jason said he really enjoyed the day. Just being out of the house and doing something different. He took a lot of pics. I'm only goint to share a few, he took over 100 at least. I pushed Izzy in the stroller. We set a nice leisurly pace and spent about 2 1/2 hours walking around. We went at the end of the day, which some say it's better to go at the beginning of the day, but with the cooler weather the animals were still out and pretty active. By going during the week the crowd was much smaller than on the weekend, which is also very nice.

There are 2 parts to the zoo really. One is the "standard" caged animals. The other is an area that is set up like an African Wild Animal Preserve. There are no lions or elephants. However there are plenty of zebra, ostrich, giraffe, goats, and exotic birds. They all live on a "savannah" area. Good thing the plains areas around here are rather "savannah" like, huh? They also have a bird conservatory, the birds are caged outside and in continuous areas that runs about a mile to get all the way through. There are also monkeys in with the birds. We skipped the monkey/bird walk. I just was NOT up to walking that mile. We had ice cream shortly before we left the zoo and that was our day. Izzy crashed out in the van not 5 minutes in to driving home.

First up were Red Kangaroos.





These purple flowers were just outside the kangaroo compound. Compound sounds so much nicer than "cage" don't you think?



This is a Macaw. My sister had one of these when she was a teenager. My mom had gotten it for herself, but the bird attached himself to my sister. That stupid bird was LOUD and ANNOYING. He would squawk like crazy whenever Katie wasn't home. He also had to sit on my sister's shoulder whenever she was eating and eat what was on her plate from a spoon. Once my sister started going to college and was barely home anymore, mom gave the bird to someone else. I think everyone was so happy to see him go.





Peacocks run free range around the zoo. They are literally EVERYWHERE. They are not caged at all. Jason was able to get a good shot of this one just sitting there and posing.



I think this is a wallaby. It was in the wallaby area at least. There were also emu in there, but the pics of those turned out fuzzy.



Here is one of the two snow leopards. The other one stayed asleep while we were there. This one kept pacing the fence back and forth. I think it was getting close to dinner time or something.



While the cheetah was in a different enclosure, he was doing the same as the leopard, just pacing back and forth. However he was doing it much faster and Jason had a hard time getting a non-blurry pic of the big cat.



This box turtle was HUGE. It reminded me of those pics you see of the 500 pound people that are stuck in their bed. The turtle moved while we were there, but only a leg and it's head. I felt kind of sorry for it. I don't know if was able to move more than that or not. Jason said it reminded him of a sumo wrestler.



Izzy loved the lemurs! He had to get up and "move it move it!" while I sat and rested and jason was arguing with the flash on the camera. I suggested turning it off and that seemed to help. Jason said later that the lemurs were hard to catch good pics of because they kept moving all the time. I guess the movie "Madagascar" at least had that part right!







On our way to the tram to go to the Wild Africa part of the zoo we went to the "Children's Area". We did not go in and actually pet any of the animals, nor attempt to feed them, but we did get really close to them.

These pygmy goats were pretty cute. The male pygmy was in with the nubian goats, an area you couldn't go in to. I think he was either too mean to be around the people regularly, or they were just keeping him seperated from the females.



The nubian goats would put their front hooves right on the fence to put their heads over so they could be fed. They didn't care about being petted, they were just trying to eat whatever they could.



The zoo attendent who was in with this llama said his name (the name of the llama) was E.T. because of his long neck and buggy eyes. This is one of the first animals Izzy really seemed to look at and notice was there. From that point on, whenever he noticed an animal he had the look of "what the HELL is that?". I found that very amusing.







This sheep was called "Jacob's Sheep". I'm pretty sure this is the male. The females had the side horns (antlers?) but not the tops ones. Jason said the sheep kept walking toward him like he was going to butt him or something like that.



I'm never sure why zoos put in domestic animals, but this one did. Jason got a couple good pics of a nice domestic pig and bunny. The bunny was HUGE however. He reminded Jason and I of the Monty Python reference to bunnies.





Prairie dogs on the walk to the tram. There was also a Red Panda, however his pic turned out fuzzy. The camera focused on the branches in front of him, not the actual animal. Go figure.



We stopped so I could rest. Izzy had a snack, a granola bar, and I drank some water. People watching is also a fun past time you can partake in while at the zoo. We are all animals after all! As you can see, my belly is HUGE. My butt looks pretty big too, but I like to think that it looks like that because I was sitting on it. A girl can dream, right?





We took the 5 minute tram to Wild Africa. It's about a mile away from the main part of the zoo. I thought we had missed the part with the giraffes, but they were up around a bend. Because it was later in the day, we weren't able to feed the giraffes. They do come right up to the railing and don't mind being touched at all. The other animals in the "savannah" stay well away from the people. Jason was able to get pics of most of them. I don't know what the odd looking bird is called. I wasn't paying enough attention. I did learn something new. I had always thought that a giraffe's head would explode, or something like that, if it were to bend down below it's body. No I don't know how or why I formed this opinion, but I had it. I learned from watching the giraffes that this was not the case at all. I suppose if I had actually sat down and thought about and realized there would be no way for them to DRINK I would have figured it out sooner. Oh well. If you look in the background of the last pic, you can see some of the other animals in there as well, just to kind of show they really are living together like that.















I hope you all have wonderful weekends and are able to make a few memories along the way. Prayers and blessings.

The Last Appointment with a "Regular" Midwife

Well, I'm fat. Oh wait, we already knew that. On that note, I didn't gain any weight, so I suppose that is good.

Today was my last "regular" midwife appointment. It's so bittersweet. The pregnancy is almost over. That really isn't bittersweet, that is joyful. 2 weeks from today at 10 in the morning I'll be laying on a table with my belly cut wide open while a doctor shoves things around trying to remove 2 rather stubborn children from my innards. Yeah I know, nice mental picture. Just be glad it isn't you! The midwife is bittersweet because if this were any other pregnancy, I'd be seeing plenty more of the midwives. For another 6 weeks. Yep, 6 weeks. That's 4 more weeks til my due date and then an additional 2 for kicks and giggles.

My blood pressure was a little high, but with all the pressure on my innards, I guess it's to be expected. I measured at 49 cm. Now keep in mind, with many pregnant women, you measure a cm per week of the pregnancy. So at this time I would normally measure at about 36 cm. So not only am I measuring 9 weeks overdue, but throw in an extra 4 cm from where I am. That's 13 cm! That is like 13 extra weeks! OH MY WORD! That is why I have kept hearing "oh you won't make it to the scheduled surgery date, you'll have those babies before then". Um, it's not working out that way. I think someone forgot to send the memo to my cervix. While it's great that my cervix is made of steel and is keeping these babies in, I am so ready to have them OUT. It doens't help that I have even had a doctor tell me that they would be out by now!

Other than that, I'm as healthy as a horse, go figure. I have an ultra sound next Thursday and a follow up with the Maternal Fetal Medicine midwife. The one where 4 weeks ago I thought I wouldn't see again. Yeah. On Friday I have my pre-surgery appointment with the doctor who will be doing the section. Jason and I are both working on lists of questions that we want to ask. I was told that this appointment is the time to do that. So we will. Then no appointments until I show up at triage on the 31st first thing in the morning.

I wonder how busy it is on Fridays for surgery? I keep having dreams of it. They are a little odd however because I really have NO idea of what to expect. I've never had surgery like this before. I have had major surgery. It was on my ankle. I was knocked out for the entire thing. I asked to be. I got to about 97 counting backwards and I woke up in recovery asking if it was all done about 2 1/2 hours later. For this birth, I won't even see the new labor and delivery rooms. That is bittersweet too. It'd be nice to see them. However, an induction is NOT something I want. Especially after all that it took to kick Izzy out.

I suppose that is all the rambling for now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Jason and I are taking Izzy to the zoo and I'll put up pics of that soon. Prayers and blessings.

Yes, I'm STILL Pregnant

Why do I feel like a watched pot? I'm only 35 weeks and 3 days people. If I weren't pregnant with twins, no one would even be considering me having these babies until at least 41 weeks, which is about 6 weeks from now! I understand the excitment is building. I feel like I'm gumming up the works in the plans for a HUGE party because the stars of that party are IN me and it's up to MY body to let them out! 20 days at most people, 20 days. If I can survive 20 days in physical misery, I KNOW you can survive 20 days waiting!

On a completely off topic note, I'm sitting here at too early (yes, 8 AM is TOO early, at least for me) in the morning on a Saturday, looking out the window of the office at the little bunny that viciously ate my strawberries! He/she (I have no way of knowing which) is happily nibbling away at the weeds in the grass in the front. Now why couldn't he/she stick with that and leave my berries alone? I was REALLY looking forward to those! The bunny just keeps getting bigger and fatter. I think it sees me now and KNOWS I'm "talking" about it! HAH! Damn bunny, I hope Ringo makes a nice dinner out of you!

Anyway. I saw the midwife yesterday. Just an FYI, I am going to mention some "girly" things like cervixes and mucus and what not, so you may want to skip this paragraph if you don't want insight in to all of that. Sorry about that, but it's the nature of discussing pregnancy. I've gained another 2 pounds, which puts me at about 18 pounds gained. I am very OK with that number. I know it is quite a bit less than a lot of twin moms gain. I also know that some of it is water weight. And that it will go away once the babies are here. I forgot to ask what my BP and measurements were. I can ask next week.

I asked her to check my cervix. I was curious as to what is going on "down there". She did a slide and the old finger check too. I'm soft, which makes the cervix more willing to move when it needs to, which is in my favor. It's still pretty thick and it really isn't open much, both things don't surprise me much. It does seem to have moved down at least a little bit. I can tell that by compared to how far the midwife I saw in Labor and Delivery had her hand shoved in me! Yeah, that is always fun! The slide said that along with the usual pregnancy nastiness (yes, guys women are just gross!) I'm losing mucus because of the extreme pressure Jack is applying to the area.

The midwife was a bit surprised at how low Jack was laying and how high Abbey is. She is also STILL transverse, so it's still looking like a C-section will take place if I go in to labor on my own. Honestly, I've made my peace with that. I figured I would. I knew that all it would take would be for me to get to the end and be absolutely physically miserable, which I am, and I wouldn't care HOW they came out, as long as they did!

I have another growth ultra sound on the 23rd. I see a midwife on the 17th, then I have my presurgery appointment on the 24th and then it's surgery on the 31st. My grandfather will be 90 that day. My mom tells me he is SUPER excited too. Not only is he getting a great grandson named for him, but odds are high that they will have the same birthday!

Now I'm going to whine a little about my aches and pains. Again, you can skip over this part. It's not like I can KNOW what you are reading from this page!

I have never had my feel and ankles swell up like they have this time around. It's HORRID! I feel like I have meat filled balloons at the bottoms of my legs with little sausages hanging off of them. I'm pretty thankful that I always wear flip flops in the summer and that I'm not trying to stuff these massive things in to regular shoes! My fingers are swollen as well, and they get stiff when I'm doing just about everything. Oh my word, my hips and pelvic area are just crying in pain every time I stand up! It's like someone took a vice and put it in the pelvic opening and is cranking it more and more open every second! That being said, I am bound and determined to do even MORE walking. Walking is supposed to encourage the cervix to dilate. That's the end result we want here folks, so I'm all for it!

On to a more positive note or two. No more than 20 days and this will all be over. We'll have 2 gorgeous babies to show for it. How do I know they'll be gorgeous? They are MY kids and I have a strong genetic line. I will NEVER have to be pregnant again. I know a lot of women mourn that. Me, I'm rejoicing it! While my body handles pregnancy with grace and dignity (as much as possible at least, I certainly don't have complications cropping up all the time) my mind revolts at being pregnant. I always feel like I've lost my mind while I'm pregnant. Like some alien has taken over thinking for me for the duration. I'm always SO happy when it's done because I can work on going back to being ME.

I'm supposing that is all for right now. On the agenda for today, I am once again, sorting laundry, folding it and putting it in to storage tubs. I wouldn't have to keep doing this if Issac (ooh, he's in trouble, I used his full name!) didn't keep dumping the tubs OUT. Jason will be taking a tub or two down to the basement when he gets home from work. I'm trying to make room in our living room closet for the infant clothes tubs so that Issac can not get to them. That requires all other tubs to vacate the premesis.

Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope you have a nice quiet weekend filled with joy and peace.

A Day In the Life

Why am I awake at 5:45 in the morning? Oh wait, that's right, because I'm in PAIN! It feels like Jack is trying to claw his way out without anything happening to the cervix! Sitting is very uncomfortable and so is standing. Don't get me started on laying down with my legs closed which means basically anything on either side, which is the ONLY way I can lay right now, and how it hurts like no tomorrow! I was thinking of sending Jason the store to pick up diapers for Izzy when he wakes up. We were going to make a trip to Walmart today, but I'm not sure if that is going to happen or not. Maybe we'll do it anyway to offer "encouragement" to the general areas "down there". I may be starting to dilate, based on the signs, but I did the same things with Izzy and still only started being induced at a 1. All in all, the pain I can get used to, it's the interfereing with my sleep that I have a problem with!


It's now 11:24 in the morning. I was awake until about 6:30. I went back to bed, which is the couch right now. Our bed is just too flat and Jason just moves too much for me to be even remotely comfortable there. Not that the couch makes it THAT much better, but it's enough to let me sleep in about 3 hour incriments. The pain I had this morning is still there. It's like someone has taken a vice and placed right there in the opening of my pelvic bone and is slowly twisting it wider and wider and wider. Peachy. You'd think I'd go in to labor with all of this. Nope. I do believe, honestly believe, I am going to be stuck being pregnant all the way to the 31st of July.

Linda is supposed to bring the kids back on the 4th. That is only 5 days later. I MIGHT be home from the hospital then, I would think I would be. The plan was so that they would be there so I could take a couple of weeks and get used to caring for 2 new babies at once. After the fiasco James pulled last night, I'm amazed she hasn't told me that she wants to bring him back NOW.

The Word of The Day

I'm sitting at the dining room table, refolding laundry very hastily folded by James. His chore is to fold laundry so he can earn time either on the PS2 or the computer. He rushes through and does a sloppy job and it drives me BONKERS. Jayden is next to me, doing part of her chore, folding all panties/bras of the female household members.

"James, do you see how neat and tidy my piles are?"
"Yes"
"Can you tell me who folded the sloppy piles here?"
"I did, I wanted to be done."
"Can you tell me why my piles are neat and yours are not?"

Before James could answer, Jayden pops up with the word of the day "Because you wear granny panties!"