My Horrible Doc Appointment

I know this is late, even though it's dated for the day it happened. It's taken me this long to process it all.



To sum it up, the doc was an ASS. He didn't listen to a thing I was saying, he kicked Jason and the kids out. Jason had questions too. He upset me so badly that when I left, I went out to the van and just started balling.

Now, to get beyond the assness of the doc. Here's the actuality of what was said.

Odds are pretty high that I will in fact have a c-section. I was told that 1 in 4 births of twins happen vaginally. 1 in 4. Wow. The only way a midwife can deliver the twins vaginally is if BOTH babies are head down. The odds of that happening are astronomical. It pretty much just DOESN'T happen that way. So I will be delivered by a doctor, and for a vaginal birth, it will hapen in the O.R. I'm assuming that I would labor in a regular room and then be transferred to the O.R. once the babies were close to being born. I'll ask to verify when I see a midwife next.

There are 7 doctors that cover the L&D floor. Three of them are from the practice I go to, the other 4 are from other practices there in the hospital. So 4 of the docs will be COMPLETE strangers to me. If I go in to labor on my own, it is very much a ladies luck kind of draw as to WHO would deliver my babies. If the doc that is on call is "uncomfortable" delivering the babies with one presenting breech, vaginally then that doc may insist on a c-section. I asked if I could turn the c-section down. I was told that yes I could, however it wouldn't be "recommended" because "it wouldn't be good to have a doc who is uncomfortable with the situation delivering my babies". Hmmm...seems like an excuse to me. I didn't even THINK to ask where the midwives would be at this point. Once I'm in the doc's care does that mean I don't see a midwife again until after the babies are born or will the midwife do all the checking up and that kind of thing, until the moment of catch or cut comes?

Also, with being a midwife patient, because I'm pregnant with twins, I can only see three specific midwives on 2 different days during the mornings ONLY. Oh holy hell I threw a fit about that! When my husband works 3rd shift, he either has to stay awake to keep the kids, be woken up very early to care for the kids, or I have to bring them with me, and with a 3 year old that gets in to EVERYTHING, that just really isn't a viable option either! I called the phone nurse about it. The phone nurse referred me to the care coordinator. I talked to the care coordinator. She spoke to the doc in charge of the entire office. I told them that I didn't mind continuing to see a midwife, and the three that were my choice were more than fine, I've worked with all three before, as long as it wasn't that restricted of availability and I gave those exact reasons as to why. She called me back and told me that it would be fine to see those three midwives at later times in the day.

I also explained how the doc made me feel. He didn't listen to me, he disregarded everything I had to say. He didn't measure my uterus (a standard procedure to figure out if the babies are growing as they should) and he didn't even TRY to hear both heart beats because he "knew" he wouldn't be able to tell the difference, so why bother? I felt belittled and stupid. I've NEVER felt that way with using this practice. It made me hurt and made me REALLY angry.

There was one point where I was telling him how I don't have regular contractions on my own, that I've had to be induced and I always go over. He totally blew that off and told me that he "pretty much guarentees that won't happen, you will go in to labor on your own, you won't be able to carry those babies too long, in fact, if you deliver after 36 weeks, I'll be amazed". Then he went on to tell me how important it was to go to the hospital when I go in to labor on my own. I asked how I would know I was in labor. He said "Oh, you know, contractions regular for an hour, 5 min apart, your water breaks, all that". Um, did you just NOT hear me say I DON'T have regular contractions on my own you moron? The ENTIRE appointment was like that. He kept stressing pre-term labor and having the babies between 34 and 36 weeks and all of that.

I told the care coordinator that I thought the doc was a complete ass, and yes, I used that word, and that there was NO way I wanted to see him again. Yes I understood that if he was the one on call when/if I went in to labor on my own, he'd be overseeing me, however if I can avoid him otherwise, I wanted to. When she called me back, she told me that for scheduling the birth of the babies with either induction or c-section, I can PICK the doc I want to deliver me. Schedule it for a day that the doc is on the L&D floor.

I felt like I had won the lottery when she told me that! I know I didn't win much, but I felt SO victorious. I got them to open up their schedule for me AND I get to pick the doc who delivers my babies, AND I don't have to see the ass again! I do have to see a doc every 3rd visit, but I can schedule with one of the other 2 docs in the practice.

I am hoping and praying that these babies cooperate (I never thought that needing to be kicked out would be considered cooperating before!) and need to be kicked out in order to be born. Ideally, they both will be head down, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. I've accepted the odds of the c-section are high and it most likely will happen that way. I am going to ask the other 2 docs for their feelings on allowing me to attempt a vaginal delivery with the 2nd baby to be born presenting breech. Then I'll know who to choose to deliver me. I know that if the 1st baby to be born is breech, a c-section is guarenteed.

My next appointment is for March 25. I have an ultra sound where we will hopefully find out WHO these babies are and then an appointment with a midwife. They sent me back for the 2nd blood draw for the genetic testing. I was told originally that wouldn't happen if they found markers in the first one for genetic disorders, so everything is looking good that way.

I have decided that as far as the shower thing goes I'm going to do this. I'm not going to register. Jason and I are planning on how and when we will get the dupilicate bigger items that we want/need. This week we are picking up the 2nd infant carseat. I found the pattern I like at BabyDepot and I have a coupon for 10% off. I am going to ask for clothes and diapers in all sizes. We have NOTHING for tiny babies, newborn size. Izzy was a moose of a boy, and wore the 0-3 months size for about a month and then went up to the 3-6 month size. We have some onesies, jammies, and a few outfits I kept from him and Jayden in 3-6 month size. I've started picking up diapers, but I know we could always use more. We are particular about the diapers we use because they DON'T leak, they have stretchy sides, AND they donate vaccines to UNICEF for children in Africa.

We have names chosen for any combo of babies we are getting, except for a 2nd male middle name. We won't be telling anyone those names until we know who the babies are, and they will be introduced by name with the corresponding ultra sound pics.

Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope you are having a wonderful time just living day to day.

Conversations with Jayden

Tonight, I was sitting at the computer, playing away on Pogo, Canasta as it were, and Jayden was talking at me, and me, being an A1 Mommy was half assed listening. Here is an excerpt or two or three from our conversation.

"Why did the cookie go to the doctor?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Because he was feeling crumby"
"OK. Was that a joke?"
"No, that was the answer, it really was!"

"When I get to be a grown up I'm going to buy Fruit Punch just like that." I was pouring a glass of fruit punch.
"Um, OK"
"And I'm going to get some money"
"Where are you going to get some money from?"
"From my husband."
"Huh"
"Well, maybe not. Maybe I'll go to the store and buy some stuff and then people will give me the money back."
"You have to have a job in order to make money"
"Oh, then I'm going to work at the zoo."


Jayden was standing there, just chattering away, and I ask my usual question.
"Jayden, do you ever stop talking?"
"When you tell me to I do"
"What about on your own? Can you stop talking on your own?"
"Nope. If I were a robot you could shut me up with a remote, but I'm NOT! Isn't that silly, me being a robot?!"
"Yep."
"I'm not a robot though. I'm a human being. Though some times animals says "beans" instead of "beings" and that's funny too. Like that movie with Toto and the bean."
"You mean Frodo and the bean? Like Veggie Tales?"
"Yeah that one...." and that's where I blocked her out.

The point of all of this is stop and listen to what the kids are saying some times, even when they are just blah blah blahing your ear off. You may get some interesting and funny conversations out of it. By the way, I didn't realize Jayden actually KNEW that humans were human BEINGS. That's pretty cool. Prayers and blessings everyone. Have a great week.

To Shower or Not To Shower

That is the question bogging down my brain on this crisp and mostly clear February afternoon. No, I don't mean the go get clean kind of shower. I mean the Yay, you're getting married/having a baby! kind of shower.

So the question that plagues me at the moment is do I plan on a shower or don't I? I'm not comfortable just asking for one, unlike my younger sister. I think it can cause resentment, something I'd know a lot about at this moment in time, and it really is unmannerly to say the least. Then there is the factor of I really don't NEED a shower.

To me, a shower is something you give to a mom who is either having her first baby, her first baby of a different sex, or the first baby in quite a few years since the last baby. I just had a baby almost 3 years ago. We kept quite a bit of his things. I will admit that we did sell some things, however those are things we can replace as we go along.

Jason tells me that with having twins, odds are increased that we will in fact have a shower. I see this as kind of silly. However, I know my family, and Jason's family, well enough that if they get it in to their heads to do this, nothing I say will stop them. Trust me, I know this first hand. I tried to stop them from doing it with Izzy. I was unsuccessful, very very unsuccessful.

With the economy the way it is, it almost seems greedy to have a shower just because we have a surprise extra baby. Everyone is feeling the market crunch and all the worry about jobs and how much things cost. Why should it be ok to ask others to help initially provide for the extra baby, and just because there is an extra?

I understand that showers are supposed to be a celebration. A celebration of the new marriage and life that you are building. A celebration of the new baby that is coming. To me, I see them as greedy. Another way to get more gifts and become the center of attention. By the way, I HATE being the center of attention. I'd rather sit on a bed of nails than have everyone looking at me and commenting on how I look and asking all kinds of personal questions about my body and babies. I am also socially awkward and have a fear of coming across as VERY VERY stupid and I have learned it's better to just sit and watch so I don't accidently say or do something embaressing. Being a huge klutz doesn't help.

I wasn't planning on registering for gifts for this baby. I figured if people did want to buy gifts, they could figure something out on their own, or ask what we needed. I was planning on taking a chunk of our income tax return and buying clothes for ALL of the kids, including the babies. At the same time, getting some basic items that I want for them for when they are first born, wraps (which I already purchased), diapers (I pick up diapers for the babies when I buy diapers for Izzy), and bouncy seat. Since finding out we are having twins I added a 2nd infant seat, and possibly another moses basket or a bassinet to the list. I'm not sure about the bassinet/moses basket yet because I'm not sure how I'm going to have the babies sleep when they first come home.

Now, with the surprise baby, I wonder if I SHOULD register and hold off on some of my purchases? That seems a little presumptuous however. Why hold off with the assumption that a shower WILL take place? I'm at a loss here. Does everyone register when they become pregnant or do they wait until they are told they should do so? Am I taking away from the fun of others because I really don't want to "play along"? Can anyone help me out here, give me a little guidance?

Prayers and blessings all. I hope your week is carefree and not so full of mindless worries like mine is.

Don't Yank the PeePee

Ok, I'm laughing so hard right now that I have tears coming out of my eyes! We are currently beginning the potty training of Izzy. Each night after his bath we have him sit on his potty chair.

Tonight, the poor guy decided that yanking on the peepee was a good idea. Izzy isn't circumsized, so there is even some extra stuff there to mess with.

The guy is just sitting there, yanking away and he starts screaming. I look over and he has that peepee extended WAY out! I tell him "Stop yanking on it!"

Izzy's response to yank further and scream MORE!

At this point, I start laughing. I can't help it. The more he yanks and shoves and pulls, the more he screams and the more I laugh. He's just NOT getting the connection that HE is the one causing the pain to his poor sensitive area!

He finally lets go once he realizes I'm really laughing at him. He starts to laugh to, though he has this look on his face that says "I sure don't understand why you are laughing at me, but I'll go along!"

Jason gets him off of the potty and puts a diaper on the kid. I suppose you only learn through practice how to be nice to the peepee!

Prayers and blessings everyone, I hope you have an amusing and wonderful weekend!

What Concerns Me Now

I know that come July/August my babies will be born however they are meant to be. Either by c-section or vaginally. I've given birth to my fair share of children vaginally. I've had epidurals. I've done it med free. I've done it naturally. I've done it with cytotec. I've done it with pitocin. I've always used a mid wife. I've never had a c-section. I've also never had twins.

To me, having twins will be like having any other baby, just mulitply all that newborn adjustment stuff by 2. I will be utterly exhausted and dead on my feet for the first 2 weeks to a month.

Linda has generously offered to take James and Jayden for the first 2 weeks after the babies come. Jason's sister has said she'll take the older three for us while we are in the hospital having the babies. I'm going to assume it will be a planned birth, no matter how they come, because that's just how all of my others (with the exception of the very 1st) have been. These babies may surprise me and I'll go in to labor on my own. M.F. Jenn has offered to stay here at the house until a member of the family (either mine or Jason's) can get here to be with the kids, then she is coming up to the hospital. She will be our liason to the rest of the world. Otherwise, this birth, our last birth, will be just Jason and I for the first day. It's how I want it. Jason agrees with me.

So we have family and friends in place to help us during and after the birth of these anxiously and desperately wanted babies. They are the surprise and blessing that we have so needed after over 2 years (we started trying in September of 2007) of heart ache and disappointment.

I'm starting now to plan the things we'll need for my recovery from the birth and the taking care of these two babies. After surgery support belts, twin nursing pillows, extra car seats, new dressers, more beds. It seems like the list keeps growing and growing.

I now have to take in to consideration what I will need to help me recover from surgery. It is not guarenteed that surgery will take place, however I want and need to be prepared on the off chance that it will. Having 2 babies instead of one increases the odds that surgery is more likely.

The thought of having a c-section nearly brings me to tears. I hate the thought of it. I'm reading about recovery rooms and having the babies go somewhere else for a couple of hours. How I'll need a special support belt and making sure my jammies don't rub my overly swollen belly the wrong way. How I'll need meds to keep the gas at bay and make me have soft poo so it won't hurt so much. How I will have ME to worry about taking care of on top of these two beautiful new babies. How I will feel like I've just been run over by a train and I'll have difficulty even wiping my own bum for the first day and how I'll need help doing it, help I would request from a nurse, as I would be too humiliated to ask even Jason.

I worry how these difficulties will affect how I bond with my new babies. Will I insist on Jason staying by my side while in recovery or send him to our babies even though I know I'd prefer him to be with me simply because I'd feel so vulnerable and out of it.

There's the bottom line right there. When giving birth before, I knew that my body WOULD do what it needed to in order to birth my babies. That I was in control of it, well as much as one can be in that situation. Even though I needed to be hooked up to meds to get things going, once it started on it's own, once my body caught up on the fact of what was going on, I would push those babies out and they would be there, with me, and I would be strong for having done it.

With surgery, I am putting my birth, my children's birth in the hands of someone else. In the hands of someone I barely know. That person will be responsible for bringing those babies out of me and in to the world. I will not be pushing them out. I will not be the strong one, the one in control. I will be completely vulnerable and unable to prevent or stop or change anything going on. I have fears, nightmares, of the doc giving me a tubal "while he was there" even though that is not what I want, even though Jason is getting a vasectomy and that is our chosen way to go about our birth control.

With Izzy, my epidural really didn't take. I'm sure it took the edge off, but the pain was still very much there. I worry that they'll have to knock me completely out for the birth of my children, my last children, my miraculous never been in the family before twin babies. This is an absolutely devestating thought to me. It frightens me in a way that only the thought of Jason or one of the other kids dying does. I know my babies would be safe, but I wouldn't even see them come in to the world, be aware of their first breaths and cries and noises.

These are my last babies and I need to be there for that. I need to be awake and aware of their moments of birth, of those happenings just after they take their first breaths, the hour or two just after they are born when they are acclimating themselves to this big outside world. When what they first see and understand and sense is Mom and Dad and how we will always be there. That we are who they come to when they have needs that must be met.

These thoughts and feelings have been building up for 2 weeks now, since we found out we are having twins. I'm sure you will see quite a few more posts like this from me over the next few months. Please just kind of go with it. If you don't want to read my ranting and rambling, feel free to skip it, I know I'll never know the difference. Prayers and blessings everyone. I hope you have a wonderful and happy weekend.

Hello Beautiful

That right there, starting out this post is my Shredded Buffalo Chicken Sandwich. Can you say yum yum? I'm going to share how I make that beauty.

1st off, you need some boneless, skinless chicken breasts. I like the ones that come frozen in the bag from Wal-Mart, however you can use fresh or whatever brand you prefer. Depending on the size of the batch you want to make will determine how many breasts you need. I just used 2, because it's just me who eats this deliciousness, though James REALLY wants to.

Boil the chicken until it is cooked all the way through. Let it sit, in the water until it is cooled down enough you can touch it with your hands without burning yourself.

Take 2 forks and shred the chicken. You'll just rip the chicken apart with the forks, and you'll notice it comes apart in little chunks and strips. Just keep ripping the chunks apart until you have a lot of strips. This part takes SO long, but it is worth it.

Take your favorite buffalo sauce, I personally use Sweet Baby Ray's Buffalo Sauce, and generously coat the now shredded chicken in a bowl. Mix it all together until all the chicken is covered.

Get yourself a hamburger bun. You could use bread too, but I like how the bun makes the sandwich a bit easier to handle. Add as much chicken to the bun as you want.

Go to the fridge and get some cheese. I usually use colby jack slices, however I have no slices in the house, so I used shredded. Whatever floats your boat is what will work best. You can also choose to add some blue cheese or ranch dressing to the chicken or the bun at this time. I don't, but I imagine it will taste mighty good.

After adding the cheese, wrap the sandwich and plate with paper towel. You should be using a microwave safe plate for you sandwich. It's a bit messy so you'll definately want a plate. Pop the paper towel covered plate in the microwave for about 35 seconds. This will just melt the cheese.

Devour. You'll want a few sheets of paper towel to clean your hands. The ones you used to wrap the plate should work well. Keep a drink handy. Enjoy. This is what it looks like when it's all gone. Trust me, it makes for one happy mommy.

Thankful Thursday

I've been working having something to post about. I'll get back to it soon, I promise. Life is just a bit discombobulated lately, especially with Jason home during the days, though that is working itself out with him sleeping during the day to be on a 3rd shift schedule. On to the Thankfulness!

I'm thankful that I currently have heat because I certainly don't have water! At about 11:30 tonight (still on Wed here folks) I heard a hissing noise from our bathroom. Jason inspected it and thought it was the sink. He then went downstairs and saw our hot water heater gushing water from the hose on top! The only way he could figure out how to shut the water off to it was to turn all the water in the house off!

I'm thankful I don't have to pay the plumber to fix the water heater! Thankfully, ironically, we haven't bought the house yet (and in this market, another good reason to keep renting!) so we have a landlord to call and have him send the guy out to fix it for us, after all, that's what we pay rent for, right?

I'm thankful we get Jason's unemployment tomorrow so that we can give our landlord some money. He always does appreciate those twice weekly (it's easier for us to budget to pay him that way) checks he gets!

I'm thankful my kids are unique and wonderful individuals who don't feel pushed or shaped in to anything they aren't. Though I really do wish Izzy would get over his whole tornado phase. I always thought my previous kids were tornadoes, but trust me, they have NOTHING on Izzy!

I'm thankful Jason has a job, even if it is just 3 nights a week. It's a job and it makes him feel more useful and fulfilling of his "duties". Not to mention him sleeping all day keeps him out of my hair so I can run the heathens as I normally would. Things just go smoother with Mommy in charge.

I'm thankful we had such nice weather this week. I was able to open up the windows for three of the days and really air out the house and help refresh things in here. I wasn't able to open every window as most of them still have plastic over them and I know Michigan and we'll keep getting that wintery weather. However the ones I was able to open, even the front door and screen, was nice and helpful. I even opened one up in the playroom upstairs!

I suppose that is all for now folks. I'm going to try to get back in the habit of posting somewhat regularly. You may get a lot of posts talking about my pregnancy, but it's the big thing for me right now! Prayers and blessings everyone, I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week!

Why It's Audie's Fault

Ok, if you read the comments for the "Freaky Friday" post you'll see that Audie, who happens to be my wonderful SIL states that it isn't her fault. To which Jason and I whole heartedly agree that YES IT IS!!!

There are NO twins in our families. Our grandmothers had relatives that were twins. Our grandmothers. This is the story we both have gotten from our respective parents, Jason's dad and my mom.

While we (I say we, however it was ME that was actually pregnant, but I include Jason because he did all my "bitch" work so I think he gets some credit) were pregnant with Izzy, the entire time, Audra kept saying "it's twins". Izzy came out at 10 pounds and 1 oz. He was one HUGE baby. If there was a twin, he ate it!

When we announced to our families that we were once again pregnant, and that the numbers were great and the pregnancy was going where it should, she once again said "it's twins".

I realize Audra wasn't actually THERE when these darling bambinos were conceived, however, it is HER jinx/vex/curse that put them there! With no family history, at all, of twins previously to now, how else did it happen???

I think I have my argument, and it is valid and clear. And of coarse, Audie will argue it's not her fault at all. Oh well. Everyone have a great rest of the week. Prayers and blessings.