This is going to sound extremely shallow. Right now, I just need to get it out. I don't know if she reads this blog or not. At the moment, I don't care.
My mom is trying VERY hard to have next Friday off so she can be there when I have the babies. I did not ask her to do this. I am also remiss in not telling her NOT to do this. I also have not been able to figure out how to tell her to stay home without hurting her feelings. Honestly, I don't want her there. I don't understand why she wants to be there. She was not there for Jayden or Izzy's births. I've had major surgery before. She wasn't there for that either. Her reason for that one was "I don't like hospitals". Um, anyone in their right mind really doesn't like them!
I have talked about this with Deb my therapist. I can't figure out the reasoning. Without really knowing why, it's hard to figure out how to stop her, if that makes sense?
Jason and I had planned on it just being him and I. We were going to have my friend Jenn there in case Jason needed something. This was back before we found out about the twins. That changed very little once we knew we were having surgery. We still asked just Jenn to be there. To go with the twins to the nursery if need be. Jason wanted to stay in the O.R. with me.
I know my mom won't be in the O.R. It's one erson allowed. That person is Jason. No recalls, no substitutions. My mom's current plan is to try to get the day off of work and have my sister, who works here in town and recently moved back up there by Mom, to pick Mom up on her way in to town for work, drop her off at the hospital at about 8 in the morning (when I have to be there) and then pick her up after she gets out of work at 5 in the afternoon.
I told Jason this plan. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Is there any way to get her to NOT do that?" I said "Without hurting her feelings? No."
Honestly, this is NOT what I want for the birth of my babies, nor my day of bonding with them. I don't want to try to entertain my mom. I don't want to ask my mom to let go of my babies so I can hold them and care for them. I don't want her there.
I am not close to my mom. Not by any means. My sister has dinner with her every other weekend. Her son spends every other weekend up there visiting. They do all kinds of stuff together. My mom is a great grandmother, to my sister's kid. I admit that I keep it that way.
My mom is so close minded that I can't believe that she is my mom. I don't argue politics or religion or how to raise kids or my choice to homeschool or anything like that with her. I simply say "it's how we (meaning Jason and I) have decided to do it" and I leave it at that. It's not open for discussion or disection.
My sister definately suffers through the repercussions of being close to my mom. My mom questions Katie's motives, her understanding of what is going on with her son, and second guesses her all the time. Katie, being the placater in the family, allows this to go on.
I don't like my mom. I know that makes me a horrid daughter. I love my mom, I just don't like her. I don't like to spend time with her. To me it feels like torture. I feel like I am in customer service all over again and I'm just smiling and nodding and counting the minutes until I can go home.
That all being said, how do you tell your mom "Stay home. I don't want you anywhere near me on the day that I give birth" without seriously wounding her? I may not like her, but that does not mean I want to hurt her. That all being said, I know that come next Friday, I'm going to be dealing with my mom. That really taints my whole birth process, mine and Jason's first day with our new babies, and that makes me angry. When I'm angry, I'm not nice. Let's hope Mom makes it through the day in one piece, shall we?
3 comments:
You gotta just tell her in the kindest, most calm way you can. It's the last time you'll be giving birth. It's the first thing you and your husband with do with the babies. You have to tell her that you both want that first day to just be you two.
Don't worry about anything else you feel towards your mom, just make sure that you communicate your wishes clearly.
I hope you are holding up well! Try to get some rest this week!
I agree with Heather, you just have to tell her!
It may hurt her feelings and she may be upset for awhile, but I think you will regret it if you don't ask her not to be there.
i did tell her, i sent her an email because she is hard to get on the phone, detailing what would happen and that she would end up spending most of the day in the waiting room and then i left the choice to be there still up to her...we'll see how it goes, she won't even know if she is able to get the day off until thursday, the day before
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