Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Follow Me Oh Followers

I'm sure there are some out there. According to my Site Meter Weekly Report, there are a few of you at least. Anyway, you must all now follow me over to Mountain Morning Homeschool (yep another link you can't see, at least I'm changing the color of the link manually, right?) for her giveaway! That cook book looks splendiferous and a vintange apron too! I have an apron, I should really take a pic of it. I know, for the last day of my challenge for the skirt wearing, I'll wear my apron while making No Bake Cookies with the kids and have them (or Jason, depending one WHEN the cookies are being made) take my pic! It's kind of loud by the way. I do have a pattern for new aprons. I almost bought a pattern for a more "girly" apron, but I'm rather certain I can "girly up" this pattern as it is.

Jayden's pink frog dress is coming along very well. I'll have pics of that tomorrow as well. I took her to the doc tonight and she has strep, at least that is what the doc thinks. Jayden got compliments from the doc AND the nurse about her dress. I'm busting at the seams with pride. Knowing I can make her something that adorable, and that other people appreciate it and that it's not ridiculed for looking "too home made" or something like that, which is always my fear. I have a fear of failure, what can I say?

Oh, I was reading Miss Britt (another link, trust me!) and she is so brave and wonderful. She put herself out there completely and I commend her for it. She is no longer making excuses. Well, Miss Britt, you have issued a challenge. August 18. If you can do it, so can I. Here is my open discussion. I am 5 feet and 5 1/2 inches tall. I weigh at 283. This is a problem. It's a problem for how I look, but also for my health.

I don't want to be a skinny minnie. I can't be a skinny minnie and be healthy and happy. However, 100 pounds HAS to go. It has to go for so many reasons. This past week was horrible for me. It's why I didn't post. Jason and I have gone through another miscarriage. I wasn't even sure I was going to share this. I am now, so it's out there. It was the third time we've done this in a little over a years time. We weren't trying to become pregnant. We had accepted that another baby just wasn't going to happen for us and we were really at the place where that was becoming very O.K.

Then this pregnancy took us by surprise. We knew about it for just over a week. Then it was gone. I had all kinds of blood draws done. 4 to be exact. I was taking extra hormones. And Folic Acid. None of it made a difference.

Jason and I have decided that a combination of condoms and Natural Family Planning will be in store for us for the next 6 months. Once that time is up, we'll go one of three directions. We will either continue the NFP/Condoms combo for another 6 months (til our birthdays in June), Jason will be scheduling the vasectomy for some time in Feb., or we'll throw the NFP/Condoms out the window and have another go at the baby thing.

I NEED to lose weight in order to be serious about the baby attempt. Losing weight helps with fertility. It will also give me a better body image for while I would be pregnant. It would help me already have in place healthier habits for a healthier pregnancy. My long term health would be better for it. There are lots of reasons to lose the weight.

I know that ONLY 100 pounds puts me at 183 or so. I get that. I've given birth to 5 children. I've been pregnant a total of 9 times. I'm never going to look like I did when I was 17 again. When I was 17/18 years old, even then I wasn't a skinny minnie. I weighed about 150 then. I've got wide hips and wide shoulders and big boobs. Those things contribute to a higher weight all around. I'm not trying to change my body type. I don't want to look like Angelina Jolie or Cameron Diaz or Cindy Crawford or Brooke Shields or or or...., well, you get the picture. For one thing, I'm too short to be them. For another, my body isn't built like theres. My goal is more Queen Latifa or the models for Lane Bryant. I'm a big girl, and I accept that, I embrace that. However, I need to lose to be healthier.

So come August 18, I will try harder. I haven't been trying at all. I am making a pledge to try. I will post at least 3 times a week of the exercise I have been doing and the better food choices I am making. I will log my food on Fit Day (yep, ANOTHER link) and keep that daily intake to around 100 calories per 1 pound. It has been recommended to me by a fellow March Mommy that I should shoot for 2500 calories a day until I start to lose. You can all follow me on my journey. And root me own. And yell (well, please don't yell, I tend to yell back when I'm yelled at, so maybe some scolding would be better?) when I don't do as I need to.

Why blog it all out? Why not? It will keep me posting regularly. I also have this amazingly deep sense of shame and guilt. I'll do it because I'll have to post it. Follow the drift? Oh, and MF Jenn will be joining me in my journey, as she too will be pursuing that baby dream at some point.

2 comments:

Miss Britt said...

YAY! Good for you! I know having been through it that there are so, so many benefits to taking better care of yourself.

Here's to Monday! ;-)

Mountain Morning said...

Thanks for your giveaway post! Leave me another comment if you post a recipe and I'll add your extra entries. Good luck!

Have a lovely evening!

Brandi