Sunday, September 14, 2008

Executive Privelage for Pie

That is what Jason told Jayden today. He said "I am claiming executive privelage to have this pie because I want it. I'm like the President and Mommy is the Congress. I get Executive Privelage for cool stuff like pie when I want it, but when it comes to the important stuff, I can get the veto." He's right of coarse. There have been a lot of times when I have said "Hey let's go do this" and he has said "No" and I just looked at him and said "Yes, it's a good FAMILY THING to do so we are doing it" to which he always says "Ah Fuck" and goes along. More often than not, he enjoys himself while doing it. He may not want to do it to begin with, but he changes his tone as the event takes place. It helps that I do all of the driving.

I have no internet right now. Not really sure why. It worked yesterday before the tornado warning. I was about to say "before the storms" but it's been raining for about 3 days now, so that doesn't quite apply. Afterward, it didn't. I tried calling the toll free number, it said "you have to call back during business hours" even though it claims it is "24 hour support, 7 days a week".

I came to the library (it's how I'm putting up this post) to check email and I got a person on live chat. She said that as far as she can tell it's all good, which is what our computer is telling us, aside from the unable to get online thing, so we need to call back tomorrow morning to make sure that our bill is in good standing. UGH! It's odd though, because all of our other services, like voice mail, long distance, caller i.d. and call waiting, are still working fine as can be. So I'll be calling in the morning to hopefully straighten it all out.

I'm hoping that it isn't the modem. Then I'll be stuck waiting for a new one to get to us. Other than that, things are going as usual. I am hoping to find a few books on pioneer crafts to lead up to our trip out for the pioneer days event at the Nature Center. I'm also going to pick up a couple of books to read. I requested a couple of books to be sent to the branch that is closest to the house, they aren't here at the main one (the only one open on Sunday I think) and I don't want to drive around town looking for them.

Like I said, it has been raining for 3 days now. Three streets near my house are blocked off because of flooding. Hugely overflowing ponds all over the roads. It's pretty cool to look at and I know that I'm going to try to take some pics tomorrow, which I think is also supposed to be rather rainy. I believe this is our carry over from Hurricane Ike.

I was thinking the other day about I haven't outright asked the Powers That Be for a baby, a being born at full term thriving kicking and screaming bundle of joy baby. With my next candle ceremony, I do a renewal every full moon, I'll be asking for that formally. Maybe I just need to formally verbalize and internalize and externalize and just put out there that is what I want, what Jason and I both want.

Every day that Izzy is a handful, and at 2 1/2, that is basically EVERY day, we jokingly say "we want another WHY?" I know that is our hearts desire. What we feel is right for our family. The missing piece. Our family is awesome the way it is. Every day gets better. At night, as we lay in bed, we know something, someone, is missing.

Some might say "Well, it's Katy. She isn't there all the time." I don't think that is it. In fact, I know that isn't it. We feel that when she is with us. I know that she is happy with Jenn. She is very much a part of our lives, as are of hers. She isn't here full time, but that is OK for all of us, all around.

Maybe it's my older daughter, Vyky. I aslo doubt that. Even though she isn't in our lives at all, I have an ache for her, but it is different. I know who she is, kind of. I imagine her, how she has grown. She is a real person.

The person that is missing is a mystery. A mist, a though, an idea. She/He is there, out there somewhere, just waiting to come home to us. I can feel her/him. Like a tickle on my mind, a caress on my heart. I can see a face, an outline of body. The hair and eye color aren't concrete. Nor is the name. Max I think. Though I'm not sure if that is a boy or a girl. And that changes too. However, the feeling that they are there, just waiting for us, for our home, for our lives, doesn't.

Well, I'm getting hungry, I have a roast in the crock pot at home, but I know that won't be ready for a few hours yet. I love having the slow cooked roast at the end of the day, it always turns out so flavorful and moist and tender. MMMMM. OK, that just made me HUNGRIER! So prayers and blessings all. Enjoy your full moon if you can see it, or just knowing it's there behind the clouds.

No comments: