Monday, June 16, 2008

My Eldest Son and My Sister

Today, I'm blogging about my eldest son. He really really really frustrates me. I love him dearly, however I really think he does it all on purpose. From what I understand, that may actually be partially true.

James has issues. He has a rather long list of them. He has so many and they overlap horribly. In fact, he has so many that it has been recommended to me by many of his care providers (doctors, therapists, case managers, etc) that I apply for SSI for him. I did, he was denied. I am appealing. That is a vent for another day however.

Yesterday, we went to the birthday party of my nephew and my step-nephew. They both turn 6 this week, Alex today (the 16th) and Tristan on Friday (the 20th). It was going pretty well. Katie wisely chose the location to be a park so the kids could run around and have a grand old time while the adults relaxed under the pavilion.

We ate a late lunch of hot dogs and burgers, chips, and potato salad. MMM mmm. The kids went to play when they were done with that as well. I was only intending on stopping in, saying hi, and then leaving. I really wanted to be at home, with my husband, on Father's Day, not traipsing all around the state (my sister lives 30 mins from me) to participate in a party my sister has thrown.

We didn't eat until at least 5. Why was the party not scheduled until 4 in the afternoon? Why not sooner in the day, like around 1? This, I'm sure, contributed to what happened next. James broke down. He broke down in to a massively hysterical crying mass of boy. Think of a 9 month pregnant woman who has been told that she is actually only 8 months along. Or a woman going through menopause who has lost her beloved cat. Or a woman going through the worst divorce in her life, and her dog died, and her kids hate her.

Why the woman references? Because I can't think of a SINGLE instance where a man would behave as James did. That's not sexist, though it may seem so, it's just fact. I have everyone telling me "it's the hormones". He's behaved like this BEFORE the hormones, so thanks for the tip, but you are incorrect.

The littlest stupidest things set him off. What set him off yesterday? I think it was a combination of the fact that he had recently woken up, he wants to buy a bow and arrow set (both Jason and I have told him NO!), and Alex and Tristan had a HUGE pile of toys for their gifts.

Personally, I think it's cruel and unusual punishment to other kids to open presents without something for them too. Why do people do that? I think it's better to wait until everyone is gone or something like that. I suppose with "normal" kids, they understand, however James is NOT normal (gods how I wish he were).

So he becomes a balling mass of hysteria and it gets worse and worse, so he makes his way from sitting next to me to sitting out by the fence to sitting IN the van. It's not fair to everyone else to have to suffer his tantrum. Now, my sister's in-laws were looking at me like I'm the most horrid person on the face of the planet. How DARE I treat my child like that and send him off. I also didn't bother to explain. Fuck them. Who are THEY to judge me? Yay, they go to church and are good "christians". Well, if they WERE good christians, they WOULDN'T be judging, now would they?

James even escalated to the point of telling me that "I hate him" and that "I never get him anything nice". I looked him dead in the eye and said "if I hated you, why am I giving you cake?" Oddly enough THAT seemed to get through his addled brain and calm him down.

I'm sure that my sister was wondering how James would behave at her wedding next spring. Well, that makes 2 of us. I'm already stressed out about the wedding. She has already stated that children are invited, so she can't say "James can't come because kids aren't invited" or whatever excuse she could come up with to not have him there. James would like to stay over at my sis's house at some point this summer. Just him and Alex and Tristan. James wants to play with the stuff the boys got. I also know there is NO way I would allow him to stay over there, not overnight. My sister screams, A LOT. I yell, she SCREAMS. That does NOT go well with James. What would she do if he melted down? She doesn't have the patience nor the tolerance to deal with James. I'm not stupid, and I'm not going to set my son up to fail like I know he would in that situation.

OK, my sister is marrying the guy she was engaged to about 8 years ago. She left him then because he was an ass. He hated me. Now he tolerates me, how sweet. I think my sister has a problem with being alone. She sees Tim as being "safe". Whatever. They have their issues, and they are falling back in to the same patterns as before. I'm glad I won't be in their marriage. And while I will lend a shoulder for my sister, I won't really care that much. It's her bed, let her lie in it.

Her wedding. She has asked me to be her Matron of Honor. I'm not sure why. I have never thought of us being that close. I don't want to ask her "hey, why did you choose me?" Seems kind of rude, and believe it or not, even I would not do that. She wants a shower, a bachlorette party, and the wedding.

I told her I would organize the bachlorette party. No problem. I'm willing to do that. But the shower? Why does she need one? All it means is more gifts. She is one to always say "I want you there for your presence, not your presents" but she is so full of shit while she is saying it. She couldn't stop bragging about how Tim's family took the list of stuff she suggested and called later and asked for more. UGH. Where's my puking smiley when I need one? She is so full of it. To her, the STUFF really DOES matter. I'm going to ask Christina if she would be willing to organize the shower. I just feel REALLY uncomfortable doing it.

Here's the way I see it. They live together. They have lived together for close to 3 years now. The shower is supposed to be to get the stuff for your house. Or your trousseu or something like that. All stuff they already have. She says she's not going to register anywhere. I don't believe that either. So now I'm expected to do a Bachlorette party (which I'll be paying for out of my own pocket, thank heavens for income tax returns), a gift for the shower, a gift for the wedding, a dress, dress clothes for the kids, and all the added stuff that goes with that? What is up with that?

Oh, how can I ask the other attendees of the bachlorette party to chip in nicely? CAN I do that? I know that I'll do all of these things. I'll grin through them and then come here and vent all the frustrations out. Gods help me with patience. I'm going to need it. Not just dealing with my son in the next few months, but also my sister. She's a planner. Overly so. So as the date draws nearer, she's just going to start freaking out more.

Anyway, other than that, we had a pleasent weekend. How about you?

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